Velvet Hammer Leadership

Throughout the course of my career, I’ve encountered a vast array of individuals with a varying degree of leadership styles.  There are few, however, that I have found to be more effective than what I’ve come to know as the “Velvet Hammer.”

The term “velvet hammer” is often used to describe a leader who is firm and direct in their communication style, but also compassionate and empathetic towards their team. A velvet hammer leader is someone who can deliver difficult messages or make tough decisions while still maintaining positive relationships with their team members.

The “velvet” part of the term refers to the leader’s soft and gentle approach, while the “hammer” represents their ability to make strong and decisive decisions when necessary or enforce standards when required. The idea is that a velvet hammer leader can effectively lead and inspire their team while also holding them accountable for their actions, a balance that can be difficult to find for many.

Velvet Hammer leadership can be especially effective in situations where there is a need for both clear direction and a supportive environment. By striking a balance between being firm and caring, leaders can build trust and respect among their team members, and ultimately drive more strongly towards desired results.  Below are some of the tenants I consider when imparting to my clients what it means to be a “Velvet Hammer.”

Start by building strong relationships with your team members. Get to know them – their strong areas, their weaker areas, and their areas where they feel they are operating in a regime of mastery, and show that you care about their well-being and professional growth. This will help you understand their strengths, weaknesses, and motivations.

When setting expectations, be clear about what needs to be done, by when, and to what standard. Be realistic, and give people the resources they need to succeed.

Communicate your expectations. Explain why the work is important, and how it fits into the bigger picture. Help people understand how their contribution makes a difference.

When things don’t go the way you intended, approach the situation with empathy. Acknowledge that mistakes happen, and show that you’re there to support people through the learning process. Don’t blame or shame them.  There is, however, a learning process, and through a thorough and analytical debrief we uncover what went well, what didn’t, and how we can improve for the next attempt.

Use constructive feedback to help people improve. Be specific about what needs to change, and why it’s important. Provide guidance and resources to help people overcome their challenges.

Focus on the behavior, not the person. Address the problem, not the person’s character or worth. Separate the behavior from the individual, and treat them with respect and dignity.

Hold people accountable in a fair and consistent manner. Apply the same standards to everyone, and don’t let anyone off the hook. Make sure people understand the consequences of their actions, and follow through on what you say you’ll do.

Finally, remember that empathy is not the same as being soft. Empathy means understanding people’s perspectives and emotions, and showing them that you care. It doesn’t mean letting people off the hook or ignoring poor performance. Balancing empathy and accountability requires finesse and skill, but it’s essential for becoming a true Velvet Hammer and building a high-performing team.